Asphodel
by ncfan
Summary: A Language of Flowers oneshot. Asphodel stands for languor and regret. Tsunade's had a few as well.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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Asphodel means languor and regret.

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Asphodel is another of those plants Tsunade recognizes on sight. It's more likely to grow in dry coastal climates, but it will grow in Konoha.

In Greek mythology, the plains of Hades were said to be blanketed with asphodel, and it was considered the favorite food of the dead.

Like Chiyo, Tsunade has many regrets. Tsunade's regrets are of a different nature than those of the poison mistress's, but they rest just as heavy on her shoulders as they do Chiyo's.

Tsunade sits at the bar, drowning her sorrows in alcohol. She doesn't want to go back to work.

Many people assume Tsunade that because Tsunade does not like paperwork she is simply lazy. They assume that because she goes to any length to avoid paperwork she is being childish about it.

They are wrong.

Paperwork is a mindless task. And when a body is otherwise occupied with mindless tasks, the mind itself begins to wander in all directions, down all avenues.

Tsunade begins to think about all that which she has lost every time she sets her hands to the paperwork that continues to pile up no matter what she does about it.

Tsunade regrets her weakness over all things.

It probably started when she was a genin. Tsunade knows that she was an agent for chaos amongst her team. She drove Sarutobi-sensei up the wall, made Jiraiya crazy, and Orochimaru…well…she's not sure what she did to Orochimaru. But she knows that she pitted Jiraiya against Orochimaru, and deepened the rivalry between them to unspeakable levels.

It came later when she was a jonin, fighting in the Second War, that her weakness resurfaced. The First War was five years long, the Third War, seven, but the Second War easily topped the other two at ten long, interminable years.

People who saw Tsunade fight during that war wouldn't know her to be weak. She always seemed strong and sure of herself. Her skills in deflecting Chiyo's poisons, helped along by the teachings of her future boyfriend's older sister Natsumi (though all the credit went directly to Tsunade), bolstered her reputation. No one would have ever thought Tsunade weak.

But then, in the seventh year of the Second War, the façade began to crack.

Tsunade did not have a good feeling about the mission Nawaki was being sent on. It was a mission against the Rock, and it sounded like a suicide mission more than anything. Orochimaru promised that he would be safe, but in the end, nothing was able to stop Nawaki from dying.

Every time Tsunade thinks of the sort of agony her brother must have died in, the paperwork becomes unbearable, and out comes the bottle.

For three years, Tsunade attempted to keep up the breaking mask of strength on her own.

But then something happened. Someone caught her before she fell.

For four years, Tsunade and Dan were together. She counted the good man as her saving grace, though Dan never knew as much.

It was a good four years. Tsunade had thought that she had regained her strength, that she was strong again.

The night Dan died, every last ounce of strength Tsunade possessed was driven away, to be replaced by weakness. She wasn't there to help Konoha win the war, she wasn't there to help Jiraiya cope after Orochimaru betrayed them. She wasn't even there to help Konoha after the Kyuubi attacked. She tried to run and hide from her own problems, and everyone suffered for it apart from the person who should have suffered.

Tsunade takes another drink. She was weak for far too long, and now the village is paying the price. More than anything, Tsunade regrets her weakness far more than her love, her hatred, or her inhumanity.

_Favored food of the dead, huh? I wonder, if I eat it, will I join you?_

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If you've read _Rue_, then I'm sure you know that this is very much along the same lines as Chiyo's entry. I've written Tsunade and Chiyo similar entries because as much as neither like to admit it, Tsunade and Chiyo are very much alike.


End file.
